I notice lately I get crushed by things that didn’t used to bother me at all. I do my best, I know the product isn’t what I want it to be. Fact is I just don’t have the time. Trying just to keep my family afloat takes most of it. It is how the system was designed to be. Keep us all so busy fighting the results of their policies that we never have the ability to fight them.
After a failed live stream last Sunday night I sat down to vent some of my frustration. It didn’t take long before God was reminding me of my blessings and removing the fog of this world so I may have a better understanding of His plan for my life.
This is that writing.
I am so fed up with trying to make this work.
I don’t have the money, I don’t have the time, I don’t have the support, I don’t have the talent.
Clearly.
So where do I fit in to this patriotic fight?
It has been 3 years and I still don’t know. It has been disappointment after disappointment and I’m not sure how long I can stay motivated anymore. I watch grifters raking in the cash and subs while I remain honest and can’t seem to get ahead.
It is frustrating to watch.
I find it hard to complain. I know I am blessed. I know must be to be able to somehow keep this family above water. That is a feat in itself, a remarkable one really. I get it. So I don’t mean to sound unappreciative. I certainly am. I feel petty even feeling this way, but I am human. I cannot help it. I don’t know how best to move forward. I don’t know what I am supposed to focus on and what I am wasting what little time I do have on. I don’t see many results. I don’t seem to be able to find my niche in this whole machine.
I don’t know what my purpose is but I know my principles seem to get in the way. I have high standards for myself. I cling to the truth, I know to do otherwise would be to invite failure, but I seem to find it anyway.
There is no option to give up. I know even if I wanted to, and sometimes I really do. I know I cannot and that can feel like a curse. Like a ball and chain that keeps me from straying to far off of the narrow path. It keeps me from running and hiding from Gods will like Jonah. It keeps me in a better place by making me walk through the fire.
I sit here writing this as I hear cheering from the living room where people are watching the Superbowl. It reminds me of the blessing, the miracle that God blessed me with a just few days over 5 years ago. Sobriety. He has walked every step with me and lifted every temptation from my heart. I know without a doubt the God exists. There is no other explanation for what He did within me that night, and every moment since.
So it is hard to complain. I don’t mean to. Just feelings I am trying to deal with. So I write. That is how I got interested in writing in the first place. It gave me an outlet for my feelings. A way to get them out without hurting anyone. It felt good. It still does. These words may never be read, but they are on my heart, and I need to let them off.
It is hard not to get discouraged when I watch people rewarded for straying from the path and into the darkness of the wilderness. Demons live there and I will not follow. That has caused rifts between me and other patriots. So be it.
I know how to keep myself on the path. I just wish I knew where it was taking me. I suppose I will find out in His time. We all will. There is no avoiding it. Still, I have been holding on for so long. Scraping by. I have been on the biggest roller coaster of my life for the last 3 years. My whole family has. We have taken some big hits. The loss of a small business that supported us, bankruptcy, the loss of one mother to death. The other left mentally damaged by a stroke. Attacked unfairly by those who strayed from the path. People we called friends, some even brothers. Doxed online by some of the same.
Still we stand strong. As strong as we can anyway. We grow tired, but we remain rigid. It is hard when I am willing to give everything I am. Willing to play any role God wishes for me in this fight. And discouraged because I can’t seem to find where I am the most effective. Where I fit into this patriotic machine that rumbles along its way to that final battle. Wherever that is, whatever that looks like.
So, I will carry on. I will push and I will labor. I will continue to try and put in as much time as I can. Maybe one day I will be able to spend all of my time on it. I am principled. I am honest. I value my integrity greatly, and I am willing.
Where do I fit in to this beautiful chaos? Is my place preaching the lessons of the gospel? Focusing on the word of God and His plan for our nation? Or Do I focus on more of a Thomas Paine sort of role. Motivating the troops and lighting the fire in there very souls? We couldn’t have won the Revolution without both of those pieces.
How can I stoke the fire of liberty that burns within every American? How can I warm the bones of the shivering, fill the hearts of the struggling, and raise the spirits of the weakening? Is that even my place? I don’t really know. Working a full-time job and being forced to put this stuff on the backburner has got me more discouraged than ever. I understand working is something that I have to do, but it has kicked the patriotic legs out from underneath me. I continue to move forward, but being forced to crawl, I seem to use more energy than was worth the minimal distance I covered. However, I have that fire in my soul, so I will not stop until the life leaves my body. I will crawl until I can walk again. Walk until I can run.
I have had people tell me that they were giving up. They told me that they had made their mind up to quit the fight until they read one of my articles. They told me it got them fired up. That it helped them to get past the disappointment and defeats and get back in the fight. If I can do that to them, maybe I can do that to more? If I motivate or inspire someone who goes on to make a huge difference, I will consider myself successful. Even if no one ever knows my name. I just want to be a cog in the machine, hopefully a successful one that touches many and inspires others to a better relationship with God and a willingness to fight for country.
We call it the American Experiment? It truly is. It will have ups and downs, success and failure. However, as long as we stay honest and strive to live by the morals and laws enshrined in the Bible and the Constitution, we cannot fail. This experiment will decide the fate of the entire world. There is no nation we do not touch, no economy we do not affect.
Most importantly, the shining city on the hill must be placed on the lampstand for all to see its light. Others will strive to be like it. To give off light and destroy the shadows that have covered and now begun to devour our soul as a nation and as a people.
You and I will save America for the generations that will come after us. We must be willing to suffer so that others may be free.
“If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace; and this single reflection, well applied, is sufficient to awaken every man to duty.”
― Thomas Paine, The American Crisis
Keep the faith and keep on fighting, you will find the right path in God's time
Never give up! You are one of the few Real Patriots left! Remember God has you and your family. You have true followers who love you and your family.Carry on Patriot🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸❤️❤️